Oldies Say the Darndest Things
So, today for lunch, Abby and I made the pilgrimage to our favourite little hole-in-the-wall cafe on Crown Street. We're walking along, and we cut through this tiny park. There's an old woman sitting on a bench, smoking. She calls out to us and at first I think she says, "What planet are you from?" but really she said, "What land are you from?" I immediately get that apprehension of awkward whitey-ness. You know, the nervousness you get when you think you're being asked a sort of trick question and you are worried how to answer because answer (a) will piss off the person asking the question and answer (b) will sort of confirm in the person's mind that not only are you an ass, you are aware that you're an ass. Or something like that. Anyhoo, I got the impression that this question of "What land do you come from?" would lead into a discussion of how the land of Australia was stolen away from the Aborigines and I'm pretty sure there's nothing I could say about this topic to this woman without sounding like an ass. Abby whispers to me, "Say USA." Yes, she's right, anything but Australia is probably a better answer.
"Um, USA?" I say. The woman looks at me and says, "USA, huh? Well that would explain your buck teeth then, you dog!" She said this as if she would have liked to spit at my feet, but her mouth was probably too try to muster any moisture.
My reaction was to start laughing. I was shocked, but I was laughing my ass off. Abby was stunned too and was like, "GEEZ! What's up her ass???" I kept repeating, "Well that would explain your buck teeth then, you dawwwg!" because it was cracking me up. Anyway, I did not say anything back to this woman, I just continued walking, and laughing.
Should I have informed her that it is England that is stereotypically known for producing bad teeth, not the US? Maybe I could loan her a copy of Austin Powers. I admit, I am a bit intrigued by this woman. I am curious if she sits on that bench all day coming up with different insulting zingers, or if she has a few that she just recycles? Would she have been nicer to me if I said I was from Canada, EH? All I know is, if my orthodontist had heard her telling me I have buck teeth, he would have kicked her ass! ;-)
I told a few friends about this incident today and the two best responses were from Gavin and Kristen. Gavin said, "Gee, Lori, I thought you knew by now that that sort of talk is how we welcome our overseas travellers!" hehehe. And Kristen gave THE best and most hilarious response which she may or may not want me to repeat here, so I won't, just in case. But you'll have to trust me that it was a super response. Of course Kristen offerred to come over and put the 'smack-down' on this lady - such a loyal daughter! Cluck! Cluck!
Sweet dreams!
-L-DOGG ;-)
So, today for lunch, Abby and I made the pilgrimage to our favourite little hole-in-the-wall cafe on Crown Street. We're walking along, and we cut through this tiny park. There's an old woman sitting on a bench, smoking. She calls out to us and at first I think she says, "What planet are you from?" but really she said, "What land are you from?" I immediately get that apprehension of awkward whitey-ness. You know, the nervousness you get when you think you're being asked a sort of trick question and you are worried how to answer because answer (a) will piss off the person asking the question and answer (b) will sort of confirm in the person's mind that not only are you an ass, you are aware that you're an ass. Or something like that. Anyhoo, I got the impression that this question of "What land do you come from?" would lead into a discussion of how the land of Australia was stolen away from the Aborigines and I'm pretty sure there's nothing I could say about this topic to this woman without sounding like an ass. Abby whispers to me, "Say USA." Yes, she's right, anything but Australia is probably a better answer.
"Um, USA?" I say. The woman looks at me and says, "USA, huh? Well that would explain your buck teeth then, you dog!" She said this as if she would have liked to spit at my feet, but her mouth was probably too try to muster any moisture.
My reaction was to start laughing. I was shocked, but I was laughing my ass off. Abby was stunned too and was like, "GEEZ! What's up her ass???" I kept repeating, "Well that would explain your buck teeth then, you dawwwg!" because it was cracking me up. Anyway, I did not say anything back to this woman, I just continued walking, and laughing.
Should I have informed her that it is England that is stereotypically known for producing bad teeth, not the US? Maybe I could loan her a copy of Austin Powers. I admit, I am a bit intrigued by this woman. I am curious if she sits on that bench all day coming up with different insulting zingers, or if she has a few that she just recycles? Would she have been nicer to me if I said I was from Canada, EH? All I know is, if my orthodontist had heard her telling me I have buck teeth, he would have kicked her ass! ;-)
I told a few friends about this incident today and the two best responses were from Gavin and Kristen. Gavin said, "Gee, Lori, I thought you knew by now that that sort of talk is how we welcome our overseas travellers!" hehehe. And Kristen gave THE best and most hilarious response which she may or may not want me to repeat here, so I won't, just in case. But you'll have to trust me that it was a super response. Of course Kristen offerred to come over and put the 'smack-down' on this lady - such a loyal daughter! Cluck! Cluck!
Sweet dreams!
-L-DOGG ;-)
posted by Lori @ Verbalicious at
12:02 AM
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