Gig Rage
I just realised tonight that I have Gig Rage. Not road rage, not general impatience, not a broad sense of bitchiness. I am relatively easy going. I've got no stick up my bum. But I do have Gig Rage. It takes a lot to get me mad usually, but holy mother of god did I want to punch out this girl at the Alex Lloyd concert tonight. I went with Kristen and Jorge and a bunch of Jorge's co-workers. Eskimo Joe opened and they were excellent. Very fun, very cute. Even their roadies were cute. Why are all boys from Perth cute? Are they really that cute or is it that they are extra cute to me because they're just passing through town and I must only be attracted to guys who aren't sticking around? I've had some really good dates with Perth boys before. Is it the water in Perth that makes them extra adorable or am I just too twisted and anti-commital to be true? Okay, enough about my fear of commitment....back to the stupid girl I wanted to smack...
So we're half way through Alex Lloyd and he's putting on a great show and we've got plenty of space to move. Crowded, but not claustrophobic. I can dance and not bump into anybody. Life is good. Out of the abyss come these two older beast-women who decide to push their way through the crowd to get closer to their precious Alex. I've said it before and I'll say it again - gig etiquette, people! If you got to the show late, suck it up! Stay in the back. Do NOT push your way through the crowd to stand in front of the diligent people who bothered to get there on time/early. Especially if they're shorter than you are. This is me standing up for the girls who were standing behind me before Beast-Women sprung forth. They were these two really annoying 40-something bleach blonde wannabe groupies who would not shut up. It was a LOUD show and they were chattering away, carrying on a loud conversation, during "My Way Home."
Beast-Woman 1: Oh my god! He's beautiful! I could just die!!!
Me: (to myself) Could you????? Would you????
Beast-Woman 2: We've got to get closer! I have to tell Alex I love him!
Me: (to myself) Honey, then you should have gotten here before the doors opened like all the good little groupies.
They kept talking. Loudly. I glared at them. Then Beast-Woman 2, who was one of the largest breasted women I've ever seen in my life, started dancing up against me. She was freaking smooshing her breasts into my back and banging up against me, practically grinding me, even. I waited for her to notice and stop. She HAD to have noticed! If I could feel her, she could certainly feel me! I was like, "Are you joking!?" I turned around to give her The Look and she banged into me - it was a full-on breast-slam! I bounced back from the extra spring in her chest. Dear lord, this woman was out of control. This went on for a while and then I started to reclaim my space. I was NOT going to put up with this all night. Mind you, I was not moving, not dancing, not doing anything, just standing there while Dolly Parton kept boobie slamming against me. How did I reclaim my space? The only way I know how - via dancing. I started moving my arms and using my elbows to make space. I kept 'accidentally' jutting out the elbows and ramming into her. Then I started moving my hips and pelvis so I'd knock her out of the way every time I gyrated. Then I started moving backwards. At first she got the hint and backed off, but you know what, I think she liked it, cause she slowly made her way back again, giving me a look like I was the problem. Oh how I wanted to slap her. So I started taking up more room and dancing harder and elbowing her in the boobs.
Finally she and Beast-Woman 1 decided they had to declare their love to Alex. They grabbed each other's hands and decided to try to squeeze past me and the crowd of people in front of me. They were going to sqeeze all the way to the front, up against the stage. Way to piss off a crowd! Way to piss off me. I gave them a dirty look as they went by me and made sure they noticed. Dolly Parton looked at me and smiled and said, "I know, I know, aren't we rude?" I gave her a big forced grin and said, "Yes, you are....." Dolly looked aghast. Her jaw dropped open. What? Like I was supposed to lie and say, "Oh not at all? Everyone here LOVES you for trying to get in front of them!" So while she was busy looking shocked, I smiled a sickly sweet smile and said, "Keep moving" and pushed her firmly out of my way. She looked angry as her friend pulled her along, but I didn't give a damn.
So, I admit it. I have Gig Rage. Is there a 12-step program for this problem? I just find it really funny that pretty much nothing ever gets me angry but a little injustice at a gig and I'm daydreaming about starting a cat-fight. As if I could do any damage to anyone!
Anyhoo, after that brief period of insanity on my part, the rest of the evening was fabulous. Had a super time all around and one of Jorge's co-workers was kind enough to drive me home. No way was Dolly going to ruin my night.
Oh, just one more thing - I was very embarassed by the behaviour of the two dumb girls who climbed on stage during the show. One girl got up on stage before the first encore (while the band was offstage) and grabbed the mic and said, "Don't you all think Alex should sing 'Amazing'?" and then she was quickly escorted off the stage by security. Okay, it was mildly funny and quite ballsy of her to grab the mic, but really, what a waste of time! As if he's not going to play his biggest hit of all time! It's not as if he's got 10 albums under his belt. "Amazing" was voted the #1 song of the Year in the Triple J Hottest 100. It would have been suicide to not play it - the crowd would have rushed the stage. Alex ain't dumb! Of course it was going to be his last song. Doh! Do people not go to enough concerts to notice a little bit of predictability? When someone has two albums to show off, the hits will be played, especially THE hit of the year. Nothing is going to top it, so he's going to play it last! The second girl was just sad. She got up on stage during one of his last songs and started dancing behind Alex and then stopped and danced next to him, for about 2 seconds, until security collected her and escorted her off the stage. What a dumb-ass. If you're going to be dumb, be dumb longer than 2 seconds. She walked right into security. Make it worth your while - do a little chase around the stage - give them a challenge - something! The dope was so thrilled at her 'score' that after being kicked off the stage, she ran by Kristen and I, squealing at the top of her lungs and she then stepped on my foot. I was embarassed for all woman-kind. Yes, I understand the whole musician thing is sexy, but let's keep things in perspective, shall we?
"Lucky Star," "Momo," "My Way Home," "Black the Sun," "Green," "Downtown" - very nicely done - very solid set. And surprise, surprise... "Amazing" was played last.
Told ya so ;)
I just realised tonight that I have Gig Rage. Not road rage, not general impatience, not a broad sense of bitchiness. I am relatively easy going. I've got no stick up my bum. But I do have Gig Rage. It takes a lot to get me mad usually, but holy mother of god did I want to punch out this girl at the Alex Lloyd concert tonight. I went with Kristen and Jorge and a bunch of Jorge's co-workers. Eskimo Joe opened and they were excellent. Very fun, very cute. Even their roadies were cute. Why are all boys from Perth cute? Are they really that cute or is it that they are extra cute to me because they're just passing through town and I must only be attracted to guys who aren't sticking around? I've had some really good dates with Perth boys before. Is it the water in Perth that makes them extra adorable or am I just too twisted and anti-commital to be true? Okay, enough about my fear of commitment....back to the stupid girl I wanted to smack...
So we're half way through Alex Lloyd and he's putting on a great show and we've got plenty of space to move. Crowded, but not claustrophobic. I can dance and not bump into anybody. Life is good. Out of the abyss come these two older beast-women who decide to push their way through the crowd to get closer to their precious Alex. I've said it before and I'll say it again - gig etiquette, people! If you got to the show late, suck it up! Stay in the back. Do NOT push your way through the crowd to stand in front of the diligent people who bothered to get there on time/early. Especially if they're shorter than you are. This is me standing up for the girls who were standing behind me before Beast-Women sprung forth. They were these two really annoying 40-something bleach blonde wannabe groupies who would not shut up. It was a LOUD show and they were chattering away, carrying on a loud conversation, during "My Way Home."
Beast-Woman 1: Oh my god! He's beautiful! I could just die!!!
Me: (to myself) Could you????? Would you????
Beast-Woman 2: We've got to get closer! I have to tell Alex I love him!
Me: (to myself) Honey, then you should have gotten here before the doors opened like all the good little groupies.
They kept talking. Loudly. I glared at them. Then Beast-Woman 2, who was one of the largest breasted women I've ever seen in my life, started dancing up against me. She was freaking smooshing her breasts into my back and banging up against me, practically grinding me, even. I waited for her to notice and stop. She HAD to have noticed! If I could feel her, she could certainly feel me! I was like, "Are you joking!?" I turned around to give her The Look and she banged into me - it was a full-on breast-slam! I bounced back from the extra spring in her chest. Dear lord, this woman was out of control. This went on for a while and then I started to reclaim my space. I was NOT going to put up with this all night. Mind you, I was not moving, not dancing, not doing anything, just standing there while Dolly Parton kept boobie slamming against me. How did I reclaim my space? The only way I know how - via dancing. I started moving my arms and using my elbows to make space. I kept 'accidentally' jutting out the elbows and ramming into her. Then I started moving my hips and pelvis so I'd knock her out of the way every time I gyrated. Then I started moving backwards. At first she got the hint and backed off, but you know what, I think she liked it, cause she slowly made her way back again, giving me a look like I was the problem. Oh how I wanted to slap her. So I started taking up more room and dancing harder and elbowing her in the boobs.
Finally she and Beast-Woman 1 decided they had to declare their love to Alex. They grabbed each other's hands and decided to try to squeeze past me and the crowd of people in front of me. They were going to sqeeze all the way to the front, up against the stage. Way to piss off a crowd! Way to piss off me. I gave them a dirty look as they went by me and made sure they noticed. Dolly Parton looked at me and smiled and said, "I know, I know, aren't we rude?" I gave her a big forced grin and said, "Yes, you are....." Dolly looked aghast. Her jaw dropped open. What? Like I was supposed to lie and say, "Oh not at all? Everyone here LOVES you for trying to get in front of them!" So while she was busy looking shocked, I smiled a sickly sweet smile and said, "Keep moving" and pushed her firmly out of my way. She looked angry as her friend pulled her along, but I didn't give a damn.
So, I admit it. I have Gig Rage. Is there a 12-step program for this problem? I just find it really funny that pretty much nothing ever gets me angry but a little injustice at a gig and I'm daydreaming about starting a cat-fight. As if I could do any damage to anyone!
Anyhoo, after that brief period of insanity on my part, the rest of the evening was fabulous. Had a super time all around and one of Jorge's co-workers was kind enough to drive me home. No way was Dolly going to ruin my night.
Oh, just one more thing - I was very embarassed by the behaviour of the two dumb girls who climbed on stage during the show. One girl got up on stage before the first encore (while the band was offstage) and grabbed the mic and said, "Don't you all think Alex should sing 'Amazing'?" and then she was quickly escorted off the stage by security. Okay, it was mildly funny and quite ballsy of her to grab the mic, but really, what a waste of time! As if he's not going to play his biggest hit of all time! It's not as if he's got 10 albums under his belt. "Amazing" was voted the #1 song of the Year in the Triple J Hottest 100. It would have been suicide to not play it - the crowd would have rushed the stage. Alex ain't dumb! Of course it was going to be his last song. Doh! Do people not go to enough concerts to notice a little bit of predictability? When someone has two albums to show off, the hits will be played, especially THE hit of the year. Nothing is going to top it, so he's going to play it last! The second girl was just sad. She got up on stage during one of his last songs and started dancing behind Alex and then stopped and danced next to him, for about 2 seconds, until security collected her and escorted her off the stage. What a dumb-ass. If you're going to be dumb, be dumb longer than 2 seconds. She walked right into security. Make it worth your while - do a little chase around the stage - give them a challenge - something! The dope was so thrilled at her 'score' that after being kicked off the stage, she ran by Kristen and I, squealing at the top of her lungs and she then stepped on my foot. I was embarassed for all woman-kind. Yes, I understand the whole musician thing is sexy, but let's keep things in perspective, shall we?
"Lucky Star," "Momo," "My Way Home," "Black the Sun," "Green," "Downtown" - very nicely done - very solid set. And surprise, surprise... "Amazing" was played last.
Told ya so ;)
posted by Lori @ Verbalicious at
1:06 AM
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