Oooh, Baby It Hurts So Good? I don't think so...

I had my worst massage ever yesterday. :-( Granted, I know that the drop-in-at-the mall places are never going to be as good as the real-deal massage-oil places, but they've always been good for a quick-fix in the past...

The Broadway people moved to a new spot, just next to Broadway...and they must be very angry about the move because this woman totally beat me up! Argh! It was just this lady and the regular guy that I've had before but he was busy so I got Evil Massage Woman.

It was her constantly going, "Relax, please! Relax!" and me going, "Softer, please! Softer!" Jesus! When she started doing that whacking thing they do at the end I was like, "Oh! So this is what it feels like to get beaten up!" - "SOFTER! SOFTER!"

I am so sore today. My neck and back are in pain and very stiff.

The guy there that I've had many times sometimes rides that fine line between pleasure and pain, but he's never been violent like this woman. AND this lady kept "massaging" me with her front facing towards my head, so it was kinda "upside down" - what she was doing for a lot of it was actually very ticklish (which never happens on my BACK!) so I was tensing up even more and just when I thought things couldn't get more fun, she'd lean over and her gigantic boobs fell on top of my head. There was a sheet in between, thankfully.

I didn't realise that this woman did not understand any English whatsoever except "Relax please!" When I was saying, "SOFTER SOFTER!" she probably thought I was saying, "Right there!" or "Harder!"

After it was all over, I was in shock and for some stupid reason felt the need to make a little small talk with my 'attacker'...I was like, "So, were you busy today?" and she stared at me blankly.

I tried again.

"Did lots of people come in today?" Nothing. Finally the guy translated to her.

Good lord.

Never again!!! :-D