And Along Came A Spider...

Oh. My. God. I am such a wuss. I am a big baby when it comes to spiders. One of my life-time phobias. It's stupid and irrational, but that's what phobias are, stupid and irrational. So I came home from a pretty nice and relaxing Monday around 6pm. Something caught my eye on the couch. I frowned as my brain tried to make out what this thing was. Immediately I thought that it was a bunch of the fake plastic spiders that came with my new "Croc Hunter" doll, a birthday present from Rammstein. I scratched my head and thought, "But, I didn't leave them on that couch..." So I take a step closer to the couch....and gasp....and scream bloody murder! Just one big scream. My neighbours probably thought that I was being murdered or attacked by a banshee. I threw my bags down on the floor and start muttering expletives under my breath. I grab my mobile and ring Jorge and Ray. "*#@%! There's a #&^-ing spider the size of my hand on my couch! Oh my god! It's huge, it's hairy, it's creepy, bigger than my hand!" So Jorge and Ray are laughing at me, of course, and ask what I'm going to do. I say I will kill it, but am procrastinating from killing it by ringing them. The spider is moving ever closer to my fleece jacket. Ew! Ray tells me to kill it with a shoe, but it's on my soft squishy couch. If it were on a hard surface, I'd have a shot. Spiders are creepy - they're hard to kill, when small. They roll up into a little ball and refuse to die. This is the biggest one I've ever seen IN MY HOUSE. I don't give a damn about spiders outside or at other people's houses, but in my house - I'm a wuss! So I tell Jorge and Ray I'm going to "take care of business" and will ring them back when I've taken care of the beast.

So, armed with two cans of Mortein, I head towards the couch. I could barely even look at it. Why am I such a baby? I'm TWENTY FIVE! It's just a spider. Anyway, I start spraying madly. The spider is NOT impressed. It starts running across the couch and tries to hide in the sleeve of my jacket. Yuck. So I spray more. My couch, jacket and spider are soaked in Mortein. Half a can of Mortein later, the spider gives up, folds into a ball and dies. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Going to have to wash the sheets on the couch, and my poor jacket. So I ring Jorge and Ray to tell them I've done it. They laugh at me some more. Jorge says, "I've never heard you so worked up before, EVER!" I sigh and say, "I know, I'm a nut! They just freak me out!"

Jorge: "It was probably just a Huntsman."
Lori: "How do you know? I don't know what's what!"
Jorge: "Don't worry, it was probably a Huntsman."
Lori: "Are those poisonous?"
Jorge: "Umm, no..."
Lori: "Are you just making this all up?"
Jorge: "Umm, yeah, I actually don't know...."
Lori: "Oh god!"

What's funny is that if someone else had been here, I probably wouldn't have freaked out so much. I get much braver when other people are around, especially people who hate bugs/insects/whatever more than I do. Like, certain members of my family are terrified of spiders and even though I don't like them either, if there's one in the house when they are around, the more they freak out, the calmer I become and I'm able to dispose of the spider, with very little fear. What's up with that???? Maybe I should do a study on that - people who are able to overcome their fears when those around them become scared.

I just hope that there are no "friends/loved ones/relatives" of the spiders hanging around. Otherwise, I take pity on my neighbours, cause there's going to be a whole lotta screaming going on!