Stupid Lori Tricks

Guess who was in her elevator last night, on her way up to the third floor....opening up an envelope with keys in her hand, only to drop the keys and have them zoom STRAIGHT down the elevator shaft a.k.a. oblivion? Guess who promptly went down to the carpark and tried to stick her little hand down the shaft to find the keys to no avail? Guess who has NO copies of her new security keys for the building or keys to her actual apartment anywhere except on the the key chain that is now resting comfortably at the bottom of an elevator shaft? :) *Raising hand like the big dork I am*

I called the elevator people last night. It would have cost me $350 to have someone come over and get the keys out for me after hours. Then they said it would "only" cost $200 to get them out today. But if I wait for the next fortnightly servicing, they'll just get 'em out for free while they're doing maintenance and stick them in my mailbox. No one has any copies of my keys to get in the building or to my apartment. Doh. This really nice guy in my building who I occasionally say hi to was a doll and he gave me a spare set of the building's new honking expensive security keys. But I can't get into my actual apartment. I rang my real estate agent this morning, to no avail. I'm hoping I can go in and copy their keys to my apartment today or I'll be spending another night at a friend's place :(

My agent is notoriously flaky. I'm worried he won't even call me back by the end of the day. I'm gonna have to start the harassment!

Thanks to the lovely Reese's Pieces (Kristen) for letting me stay over last night. We had a wonderfully
girlie evening, renting a Hugh Jackman movie (Someone Like You) and eating raw cookie dough out of the tube. Kristen's flatmate was so funny, "I can't believe you're eating biscuits with a spoon!" I am very allergic to cats, but I took an antihistamine yesterday and again this morning, so I'm doing alright. The company and hospitality received 5 stars! :) The futon was very comfy. I kept having strange dreams though because the cat, Gino, kept coughing up hairballs all night and the retching sound would enter my dreams in various ways. Too funny.

In true continuous bad luck form, on my way out to the bus stop this morning, I was walking down the stairs and in an attempt to avoid slipping on these wet garbage bags on the steps, I tried to go around them and walked/fell straight into this metal pipe sticking out of the building. Kristen was in front of me, and was out the door so she didn't have to see my klutziness in action. I just hunched over and grabbed my knee, screaming a silent scream. It was my left knee, my good knee (the one I haven't dislocated twice). I kept thinking of poor Nancy Kerrigan. (“My knee! My knee!”) Her enemy was Tonya, my enemy is me. I regrouped by the time Kristen came out of the newsagent and I sheepishly told her that Klutzo had struck again!

We got to the bus stop and the bus was right there! I thought for sure it would take off without me. Quick goodbye hugs to Kristikeet and sure enough, the driver closed the door. Then a miraculous thing happened. He took pity on me and opened them! That never happens to me. I thought the trip from Annandale was maybe $2.50, so I gave him a $2 coin and a 50 cent piece. He looked down and said "It's only $1.50." In my flustered attempt to do exact change, I took back the $2 coin and handed him
the $1 coin. Of course as I was giving him the $1 coin, the $2 coin flew out of my hand and landed on his crotch. I was so embarassed! I yelled, "Ohmygod, I'm so sorry! I just dropped $2 on you!" He just shook his head, as if he just knew instinctively that I was a total spaz and silently handed me a $2 coin out of his change box, along with my receipt.

I swear my life is a walking physical comedy routine. This is why I think I love Mr. Bean so much. I relate to him. When that crazy crap happens to him in those episodes, I'm like, "Yup, I could see that happening to me!"

So, yes, this only adds to my belief that I was an incredibly evil person in a past life and this is karma paying me my dues now by throwing ridiculously funny/inconvenient events my way. If you look at my life, you'll see that nothing REALLY bad ever happens to me. Just a continuous string of little bizarre/annoying things.

I now have a huge bump/bruise forming on my left knee, and I am wearing the same jeans, socks, and underwear from yesterday, but luckily I keep deodorant, a hair brush, perfume, lipstick etc, in my backpack and Kristen leant me a nice clean shirt. I bought a little travel toothbrush and toothpaste this morning.

The more I think about it, the more I realise klutziness is in my genes. I am the daughter of a man who has broken his nose playing golf where neither a ball nor a golf club was involved, and I am the granddaughter of dear woman, who once managed to break her collar bone playing poker! It's not hard to do the math.

Is it any wonder I've dislocated my knee twice or dropped my keys down an elevator shaft?

I really hope to be sleeping in my own bed tonight! Come on, real estate agent! Call me back!